Let’s Talk about Family
I work with a lot of clients around relationship issues. Within immediate families or extended families there can be a lot of frustration, anger, sadness, guilt, resentment, and even regret that people are carrying.
We and our families are all just doing the best we can with the tools that we have in this life.
We may think that they should have known better, or acted better, however the reality is that they didn’t have the resources or the emotional tools at the time. Family members were only acting and reacting from their own learned behaviours. Some people are aware that what they experienced in the past may have been wrong and they choose to change things for the next generation.
I love that with Emotional Wellness sessions we can engage in compassionate inquiry as to what may have happened in the past that is affecting your experience of family dynamics today.
Here are some questions to think about if you are having issues with family:
What are the relationships like within your family?
Do you have beliefs about family?
Do you have beliefs about yourself based on the family's opinion or judgment of you?
Do you have expectations of your family members, or do family members have expectations of you?
Are you pressured or guilted into things, to please others?
Are you a perpetual people pleaser?
Do you carry emotional attachments to trauma from family interactions from the past?
When the family gathers are there often the same issues, or points of disagreement?
Do you feel comfortable at family gatherings?
Did you grow up in an environment, where you were seen and heard?
Did you grow up having a safe, trustworthy person in the family to turn to when you needed support?
Could you speak your truth without fear amongst family?
Were you allowed to show emotion, or were you expected to bottle it all up?
Were you allowed to make individual choices for yourself, or were you just told what you were going to do?
Was love and affection freely shared, or barely there?
Did you experience trauma through abusive, or neglectful behaviours of others?
Were there unrealistic expectations put upon you?
Do you feel like there was favouritism?
This list is just a short list of factors that may affect any family and it’s members.
Once we have determined some of the areas that require healing, we can then gently release the emotional attachments, that are no longer serving you, through Tapping and Coaching. By releasing the emotional attachments you are able to have more calm, and clarity, and very often more peace. Often clients can see things from a different perspective and see other options when interacting with family.
An integral part of family healing is forgiveness.
I know there are some people, that absolutely refuse to forgive. I myself had trouble with understanding forgiveness in the past. However, the stress caused by the anger or the sadness that we are carrying because we can’t forgive the one that did us wrong, is only felt by us and only damages us further. They do not feel it. The anger and sadness we feel causes internal stress for us and if held for long periods of time, I believe can cause physical symptoms.
We can forgive so that WE can have peace.
We are not saying it’s ok. We are not condoning abusive, disrespectful, or inappropriate behaviour. By refusing to forgive we may believe that we are somehow protecting ourselves from further hurt, however this is not true. Our anger, sadness and resentment do not protect us, they actually hurt us. We have a choice and sometimes it's necessary to implement personal boundaries. Whether it is at an event, in a particular situation or with certain family member(s) sometimes creating boundaries and a safe space for ourselves is necessary. Forgiveness is also necessary to move forward.
Forgiveness is not for them, it is for us, so that we no longer need to be burdened by the emotional attachments to the actions or words of others from the past.
If you find yourself involved in family drama or dysfunctional relationships and you would like to clear the stress, create a deeper understanding and create a healthier dynamic for you and your family, reach out Marnel@InciteInspirations.com to book a Guaranteed session. It can be that simple.
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